So… I got diagnosed with ADD at 43 🤯

Hello wonderful readers!

Well, if these newsletters were a TV show, consider this the season premiere after a long summer hiatus…

Maybe you’re old enough to remember when you couldn’t binge a series in a filthy weekend and had to wait for months to find out:

• Will the Enterprise blow up Borg’d Captain Picard?
• Did Buffy KO Angel right after he got his soul back?
• Will the cast of LOST ever figure out what that #$&@ noise is??!

I wish I could claim a theatrical flair for primetime newsletter suspense…

But the embarrassing truth is:

I just lost focus.

Yeah, just when things were getting good here, I got distracted. The shininess wore off. And I moved on to other projects.

This happens to me all the time.

My rearview mirror is littered with the flaming ruins of projects started with 110% enthusiasm, then abandoned right as they were taking shape.

I mean, just look at all these prototypes for baby-sized nunchucks and off-color political board games.

…Actually, maybe don’t. 🙄

Annnyway…

I’ve had a breakthrough in understanding this lifelong pattern, but the implications are hard to wrap my brain around.

In August, right after my 43rd birthday, I went to a psychologist who diagnosed me with ADHD.

It NEVER occurred to me that I might have ADHD.

Maybe you know me well and are laughing at the obviousness of it now that it’s out in the open.

After all, I was literally laughing out loud at the obviousness of the questions the doctor asked me:

• Do you find yourself starting new projects before finishing old ones?
• Do you have difficulty being on time for appointments or obligations?
• Do you feel ‘on the go’ as if driven by a motor?
• Do you find it nearly impossible to just sit still and relax?
• Is the Space Pope reptilian?

OMG, obviously… 😂

Well, I’m an artist… so like, duh?

But wait, am I an artist because I’m “naturally creative”?

Or is art just the one thing stimulating enough to keep me from running off to join the circus?

And even scarier: will I need to rely on Ritalin for the rest of my life?

I’ve been trying stimulant medication for a couple weeks now and HOLY COW, what a relief not to be racing at a thousand miles per hour every second of every day and night!

But will it affect my art?
Will my playful personality change?
Is taking drugs a total cop-out on deeper self work I should be doing?

Isn’t it somehow tragic that I actually feel OK… for the first time ever?

And of course the BIGGEST question on everyone’s mind:

Will I actually stay consistent with this newsletter?

I guess it all remains to be seen.

But one thing is for sure, (prescriptions or no):
I’m committed to keep showing up.

In my life, in my community and in this crazy human happening.

Wherever it takes us next.

I’d love to hear from you. Do you have reflections from your own story? How have you learned to work with your body and mind?

I’m still figuring it out… but maybe we are all just figuring out ourselves, together.

With love and grati 🐿️ SQUIRREL!

…tude,

Ryan 🦁