Live Painting Reflections

I love painting LIVE in front of an audience… it’s a vulnerability test.

Here’s a fact: most paintings don’t look ‘good’ until they have gone through the full painting process… so a painting can spend 99% of its time in the unfinished “ugly phase.”

People who are just walking by are going to see an unfinished work… it might look downright awful in that moment!

I’ve had someone comment “that looks like my autistic 5 year old did it.”
Wow. Ok. Thanks…?

So a natural impulse might be to try to explain that it’s not done yet, or that part still needs work… or “no, really! I am more talented than this! Come back later!”…

But, NOPE – people walking by just get that small window into my messy process. My apparently imperfect existence…

But now, rather than hide the “ugly phase” of my work – I get a kick out of putting it proudly on display.

Having now survived many such moments of insecurity, I know that this is the vulnerability test:

Will I keep going and proudly express myself? Or shut down, pack up and do nothing out of fear of what others might think along the way?

On deeper reflection:
As emerging artists or self-expressers we can be tricked into thinking “real” art needs to look good 100% of the time – even while making it.

I’ve seen this many times with my younger art students – the squirming, hiding and excuse making when work in progress doesn’t meet their standards.

I know I’ve thrown away dozens of unfinished paintings in utter embarrassment when I was learning this lessons for myself. (And from time to time I still do 🤪).

But what I’ve come to embrace SO strongly is this:

There is NO danger in making an ugly piece of art.
A painting, a poem, a scribble, a dance, or even a life lived…

The actual danger is being so afraid of something being ugly… that we stop before it gets good, or even worse: we don’t try at all.

So, know this, deeply:

Whenever you see something beautiful – know that what you are actually seeing is the product of a longer, and often messy process…

Why praise the butterfly but damn the goo in the cocoon?

I think the same goes for our culture, our politics, our personal growth, self expression… our very lives… all acts of expression-in-progress.

Just. Keep. Going.

I hope this little reflection inspires you to embrace the messy parts of living and creating. Just like I hope that the people who see me live painting feel even a little bit braver when they go home… and maybe even take out the colored pencils or that water color set hiding in the drawer.
Because the joy of creating can often be found in the act of expression itself.

Express yourself.

Cheers,
Ryan